Are our children spoil because........

Are our children spoilt because of the many choices they are given to decide or because of parents who gave them the many choices?

Once upon a time, I used to tell myself, "I will not spoil my children!" But now as a parent, I have trouble trying to decide whether the decisions I make, to give in or not, to baby girl, will make her a spoilt child. Hubby and I debate about this at times. To me, decisions should be made by us parents as we are the adults. Hubby however feels that children have the right to make their own decisions and choices. I agree but only decisions and choices to minor things and not to major things in life!

In my years as an educator, as an adult, I have seen my shares of spoilt and pampered children. They also varied at ages. I used to think that a crying child is a spoilt child. A child given everything he/she wants is a spoilt child. Let me explain why I thought that way.

Growing up as the eldest in a not so rich family (Dad was the sole breadwinner and not really highly educated), I was brought up with the rule, "If you want something, you have to earn or save for it." It is a rule that I believed in and I teach my students in school. Since I am also not the smartest in the family, getting what I want takes some times. In some cases, I have learnt not to want it. Maybe that is why I tend to buy what ever I want now that I am earning myself.

But I guess time has changed. Since most parents nowadays are educated, and mostly both parents are working, children these days are given a lot more compared to children my times. Also technologies have to be blamed one way or another. So again, back to my question, are our children spoil because of the many choices they are given to decide or because of parents who gave them the many choices?

Why am I questioning this is because I have seen children making decisions for their parents. It tends to boggle me because I thought as parents, we decide what is good and bad for our children. I mean we are the adults right?

In one scenario, at a simple eatery restaurant, a waiter asked a chinese family where they would like to seat. The father turned to his young son (about 10 years old) "Where do you want to seat Boi?" In my head, why do you ask a child to decide where to seat? Its not as if the chairs and tables are different. And you know what, for a family of 4, the Boi, picked a seating area for 6. The extra seats are meant for him to put up his leg while eating.

In another scenario, at a KFC eatery, a Malay mother asked her young daughter (about 9 years old), what she wants to eat. The young daughter told the mum she wants to eat the chicken with rice with the tomato sauce. However, that meal is Spicy tomato sauce (but come on! how spice can tomato sauce be?) and Mum is concerned that daughter could not handle spicy. Now in my heart, this sparks my first questions to many, at that age daughter still don't know how to eat spicy? So daughter said she wants the original mushroom sauce but without the mushroom and with tomato sauce. At this point, all I could think of, better just ask the mum to cook at home! The best thing was, the mum actually asked the KFC server if they can have the meal with the original tomato sauce! I was really dumbfounded at how the mum handled that situation. I mean, come on! This is KFC! They are fast food! Everything is pre-cooked and just ready to serve! I mentally slapped my forehead and prayed that I would not end up being that silly!

I can share many more scenarios but then it will take the whole night and day to do so! I know as parents, we are encouraged to teach our children to make choices to prepare them for life. Me and hubby are guilty at starting letting Baby Gerl make choices at such an early age. However her choices are limited to watching either Toy Story or Shrek dvd. Watch either Magadascar 3 or Ice Age 4. Either you eat this or you don't eat at all. Either you picked up your toys or you don't get to watch tv. Choose to sleep with mummy and daddy or sleep with grandma and grandpa. There are times however, when she is not given a choice at all. Like no you have no choice but to sleep in your own bed. You have no choice but to go to sleep now cos Mummy is tired.

So will my daughter grow up to be spoilt? How will I be able to tell if I am making the right decisions for her and should I let her start making life's decisions at such a young age? And so the debate continues.......