Depress

Its the weekend.....can't sleep.....

Have been reading this book title "The Pact" by Jodi Picoult. The behind summary of the book goes like this:

"The Hartes and the Golds have lived next door to each other for eighteen years. They have shared everything from family picnics to chicken pox - so its no surprise that in high school Chris and Emily's friendship blossoms into something more.

When the midnight calls come in from the hospital, no one is prepared: Emily is dead at seventeen from a gunshot wound to the head, inflicted by Chris as part of an apparent suicide pact. He tells police the next bullet was meant for himself. A local detective has her doubts. And the Hartes and Golds must face every parent's worst nightmare and question: do we really know our children at all? "

Have been taking my time on reading this book, absorbing every single words. Everytime I read it, I ponder on my thoughts. Suicide has been something very close to my heart. I've always thought about it eversince I knew anything about it. Not that I ever thought of killing myself (I hate pain so can't bear to do anthing painful to myself). But I've always wondered what is it really like to be so depressed that u feel as if only death is the way out. What makes u be so brave to kill/hurt urself when u are so coward to face the world? Is facing the world really hurts more than death? How does it feel at that last moment before u die? Doesn't it hurt? Will u be remembered for ur suicide or for dying because u can't face the world anymore? Will u be remembered at all??

Reading this book makes me question more. How does the author know the precise words to use for the characters. Especially when the characters are recalling certain period of their time. How was she able to espress the feelings so clearly?

"Emily tossed a pebble into the lake, breaking the smooth surface. It was a strange feeling, knowing that her life would always intertwined with Chris - God, it had been since the day she was born - and yet realizing that she was still secretly hoping for an out. Everyone expected Chris and Emily to be together forever, but forever had always seemed a long way off.
She pressed her hand to her stomach. Forever had a real time line now.
Emily supposed then, the answer was yes. She could marry Chris. The alternative would be explaining that she cared for him like a sister, like a friend, not necessarily like a wife. And she would see his face whiten, feel his heart crumble in her hand.
She did not love Chris enough to marry him, but she loved him too much to tell him that. "

Isn't it funny how in most suicide case involves love. And when love is suppose to define as a feeling of passion, happy and being on top of the world, it also brings all the negative feelings of jealousy, disappointments and fear........