Nenek

They always said, time will heal the pain.......but they never said how long it will take.

It has been  year since Nenek passed away. I never did blog about the passing of my nenek. Maybe because I was just too busy with everything that was going on or maybe because I was still in denial or maybe I was just feeling guilty that I did not spend as much time as I should with her once I got married.

I missed the times when I can just picked up the phone and called her to tell her what is going.

My nenek, the matriarch of the family. We never did realise, until she was gone, that she was the glue that kept us together. Without her, we are all just bits and pieces........and things never did get back to the way it used to be.

But everyday, I am grateful. I am blessed to have so many people to love. I am grateful that I get to spend 31 years with her. As the eldest grandchild, I get to do so many first things with her. I am very lucky cos she was there for my engagement, wedding, she get to meet my 2 girls....yes I am lucky.

Although my nenek had a difficult life in the beginning, I know that she is love by many. and the loss of her, we can never replace. Now all we are left are just memories.......

This is the one pic that I love most, Nenek with Naira............

Reminiscing My Old Neighbourhood

When I was younger, I stayed in a HDB flat where the lift stops only at certain floors, 1st Floor, 7th Floor and the 11th Floor. My family stayed on the 10th floor. So to take the lift, we had to climb up to the 11th floor, walked past the neighbours on that floor to reach the lift. The old flats have only one common lift lobby. Maybe thats why, the neighbours knew each other better then than now. 

I remembered I used to just walk down ( or run down) the stairs when I go to school or run errands for my mum (or just hoping to see / bump into my crush who stayed on the 3rd floor). In fact, it seemed easier to just use the stairs to go down, rather than climb up and wait for the lift. 

When I was 8 years old, I had already started going to school on my own. I made friends with a senior girl (2 years older) who stays 2 floor below. I remembered I would leave the house at 6 and meet her at her floor. I can't remember her name (I just called her 'Kak') however, but i remembered her for having long hair which is braided everyday. I cannot remember how I met her, or who approach who. But I remembered she thought me a lot of things, like how to play 'zero points', how to tie my shoelaces so that the ribbon will turn out nice, how to talk to boys.........

I even waited for her after school so that we could go home together. I cannot remember however, what excuses I gave my parents in regards to coming home late. But I know she taught me what to say. I would not say she taught me bad things, cos I don't think I got into any trouble. I did learnt a lot about boys and friends though. I believe, because of what I learned from her, I survived my teenage years well.

Our friendship did not last long. In fact it was less than 6 months. Like I say, we used to walk back home together, but one day after school, she brought me to a bus stop that I have never been to before and inform me that soon I had to walk back on my own cos she is going to another school. And just like that she left me to find my way back home. Her family moved away just before the June holidays. I did not get to her see her again ever. I wonder if I would ever recognise her if I were to bump into her one day......

Our Love Affair..........

Today is Soul's bday! I could not think of what to get for him so I thought I would dedicate a post just for him on his 32nd Bday!

If you do not know by now, Soul and I were classmates when we were in primary school. He was the only boy who did not tease or make the girls cry (although he did break a few hearts! ;P) I won't say he was a good boy, but he was a nice one. He was not loud, nor rebellious. He was playful though and he hates maths!

We sat together in class. There was never awkwardness or bad feelings between the 2 of us. He was (and still is) very easy to talk to. I think I share most of my secrets with him, though I don't think he remember any of them now. I remembered he was the one to bring me a bad news and comfort me. I also remember him crying because a girl break his heart. I remember he always make me laugh. The one memory that I remembered strongly was once in class, he made me laugh so hard during lesson that we were both caught and called on to answer to a question that we both had no idea what was it.

I have a lot of good memories bout him. The girls in class also loved him and they all looked up to him like a big brother. Although I knew a few girls who wished he could be more than just a big brother ;P As far as I can remember, I have never heard of anyone talking or not liking him. He was everybody's friend and I think what draws people to him, is his humbleness, his sense of humour and just the fact that he has a good heart and no bad feelings/intentions towards anyone.

Shuqun Primary School Pri 5C

We lost contact once we went to different secondary school. Though now I wish we had not. I feel like I missed seeing him in his teenage years and I wondered if I could be a better influence to him then and I wish he was there when I go through my teenage years.

Even though I have never met him again after our primary school, I never forgot him and always wondered what happens to him.

One day I met up with a very good friend form our Primary school. We talked about lots of our old memories and friends in school. I asked her if she ever met Soul since they lived in the same neighbourhood. She said "Yeah I bumped into him often. OMG! You should go and look for him! He is so cute now!" Hahahahaha! And so I did.

During those days, Facebook was not around yet. If you guys can remember, instead, we had friendster. So I looked for him through friendster and found him! At that time, I was going through my NIE for Dip in Special Education. He had just finish serving NS and was working part time at the Esplanade. We started calling and talking on the phone and planned to meet up.

Our first meet was at Marina Sq. I met him after his breakdance class. My first thought of seeing him after so many years of not seeing him was, "Wow he did not change!" I mean he was still the boy I knew, cheeky, playful, humble and nice. Of cos physically he was bigger and taller. We had our dinner and walked around the esplanade and took pictures. (I can't seem to find those pics now!) Going home was surprisingly awkward. We were not sure how to say goodbye, and our silly friend offered his hands and we shake! We talked about it later on and laughed at it even till now.

We met up again 2 weeks later and went on a proper date. We watched a movie and went to Marina Bay for some post National Day events. By then we were already holding hands ;*) . We got to see fireworks which I really loved! Then walk back to city hall to take the MRT. Somehow I was not sure what was going on in his head by now and I was not sure where we were heading to. I mean, we had always had that brother sister relationship when we were in school. I don't think he even knew I had already loved him back then.

We talked about it later on on the phone. We decided not to rush things as we felt we both want to be matured about it. But it was a month later when we went steady. It was very unexpected and surprising. He actually left me outside Harbourfront, giving an excuse that he needs to go to the toilet. He took quite awhile so I got busy playing games on my phone till I did not realise he got back. We sat and talk some more and suddenly he surprised me with a flower. And as they say, the rest were history.

Its funny how our life turned out for us. I have never thought / imagined that I would marry my Primary school crush. I have never had any serious relationship before. I have never felt like "Oh I am going to marry this guy" with any of the guys I went out with. Somehow with Soul, I knew in my heart that things would work out better for us. I am always grateful and blessed to have married that boy I knew who turned out to be the love of my life. He was never a Prince charming nor that perfect guy. But he is my kind of guy! He treats me in a way that every woman and girl SHOULD be treated.

So, to my dearest hubby, Happy Birthday! This post would be a lot longer if I really put in every thoughts and feelings I have about you from the day 1. But I guess that there are some of the things that I do not want to share. You have made me a better person than I ever will be. Thank you for being that imperfect person you are! And being that wonderful daddy to our 2 baby girls! I love you lots and lots!

After 10 years

Can't believe 10 years have gone since I first started working. I am now currently working in my 11th year but I can still remember how my first day went. It is so weird thinking back to my first day. I never thought I would get this far with this job. Cos many people who knew me, would know that I never liked working with children. But here I am still.......

The past 10 years has been a wonderful experience. And even now, everyday I learn something new. It does not matter whether it is in regards to the children, myself or my job.

Many people would go WOW! when hearing about my work with children with special needs. But I never thought of it as a big deal. I always feel that every job in the world is important.

For example, everyone thinks it is easy to be a cleaner and it is a low qualification job. But do you know that there are ways to sweep properly. That there are steps to cleaning the toilet. Why certain equipments can be used and cannot be used.......

Do you think it is easy to be a world leader? The decisions you have to make. Can you imagine how one decision can affect millions of people. That you can never please EVERYONE. Do you want to be that person who has so much money but can never sleep peacefully, knowing you are hate by millions...........You can offer me millions of dollars BUT I would never one to be that person!

Everyone always thinks they can do better than that other person. But when they are handed the dirty plate, no matter what detergent you use, that plate is sometimes only clean on the surface. It can still be very oily. It does not matter what job you are doing, what matters is that you love it!

Ok back to me. I love my job. Yes I do complained about the people (I am only human), about how things are managed but everyday I learn something new. I learn how to work better, how to be a better person, how to handle the stress better. And it helps a lot that I am working with a wonderful team of people. My team of people is so helpful, so wise and so full of knowledge. I cannot ask for anything better. I am working with wonderful teachers to look up to, to learn from, so how can I hate my job! 2014 seems to be starting out as a good year for me........

Saying Goodbye to 2013

Saying goodbye to 2013 is very hard! It is not only because that means the holidays are truly coming to the end, but saying goodbye to another year, to me also saying goodbye to the so many things that had happened in the year.

2013 started out exciting with the arrival of our 2nd baby Girl, Arissa Nailah. Even though I did not planned to have this soon, I am so glad and thankful that she arrived safely into our life. Naira did not have a hard time adjusting to little sis arrival and that to me just how much mature my little girl is. And in 2013, Naira is a big sister at 2 years old.

However, our joy did not last long. 2013 is the year that I lost someone very close and dear to me. My  Grandmum, the Matriarch of our family, passed away a day after my 31st Birthday. Her passing caused 2 things to happen to my family. It had brought me closer to my cousins. It also opened up my eyes to see the imperfections / tainted glass in our family. I shall not go into more details cause I would rather not talk about it. I have accepted her passing and she is forever in my memories and in my heart. It was also at this same time, my god-father found a cancer in him. He has been going for chemo and staying strong fighting it till now. My once fit go to god-father has turned into this skinny but still fit (thank god!) man. I am ever still grateful that he is around.

I came back from my maternity leave to a heavy load of work in school. However, I enjoyed the works that I'm doing and the people I am doing it with. Of course, nothing is perfect, there are some people who are pain in the ***. However, I am still glad that I got the opportunity to show my strength, work on my weaknesses and learn something new, everyday.

I enjoyed my holidays very much because I get to spend it with Soul and our 2 girls. We went to visit to lots of places and even manage to squeeze in a short trip to Batam with my besties! (read al about my holiday with my 2 girls in aworkingdevilmum.wordpress.com)

So now saying goodbye to 2013, is also saying goodbye  to me being 31. 2014 will be another year older.

Professionally, there will be a lot of new things waiting for me. I am embarking on a new role which I am definitely looking forward to!

Family, I will be welcoming a new niece earlier part of 2014. My girls will be 3 and 1 years old individually. We are planning for a family holiday at the end of the year. We will also be celebrating our 5th wedding anniversary and hopefully getting the key to our new home soon.

Personally, I still have a lot of growing up to do. As a mummy, a wife, daughter, a teacher, a friend......I am not sure what 2014 will bring but I can only pray for more happiness and joys in my life.

So Goodbye 2013 and Hello 2014! Bring it on!

Where did my holiday go to?

OMG! We are left with only 2 more weeks of december before the holiday comes to an end!!! Nightmare! I am so not ready for 2014!!!!

The holiday has been so much fun! I managed to do so many things with my babies. I can't believe time really fly just like that! Am so looking forward to our very short getaway soon! It does not matter that it is going to be just one night, at least it is still something! Hopefully my CNY holiday planned will be becoming.

Now that I have my own babies, I realised that I suck at emergency cases. For example, when my baby choked on her milk and start vomitting it all out, I would just panic and shriek for Soul or just remain blur and just hold on to her getting vomit all over me! ;P You would think after 2 years of being a mum I would handle things better. I guess I still need more time and more years to learn.

Updates

Its been awhile since I've last blogged. Too many things have happened and as usual, just not enough time.......

First up, work as usual has been crazy! We are coming to the last 2 weeks of school before we get our long holiday. Hooray!!! Yet as usual, I enjoyed all the business and progress that I have made. Can't wait to find out what is in store for me next year! For now, 3 more events that I am involved with.......

My baby gerls sure keeps me on my toes! My big baby is all full of herself nowadays. She lves to imitates the cartoons she watched. Currently, her favourite is 'The Croods'. For those who are not sure what the cartoon is all about: Its all about this cave girl who has issues listening and following her dad's rules, which is all bout keeping the family safe. She met a new guy and the whole family went for this life journey to a new place. Ok I suck at summarising! Basically, the moral is all about father and daughter thingy. My babies love the cartoons. My big baby just love imitating the climbing and the singing. Yes, she is singing! She even sings the song when we were walking home from the supermarket!

My little baby is a bit more clingy. She is still breastfed, so I am not sure if that is one of the reasons she still clings to me a lot. When I am home, she refuse to follow anyone else. Even my mum! If we were at anybody else's place it is worst! She refuses to be put down. Oh well. Just part of being a mum I guess.

It gets harder to find time just for myself or just to spend with Soul. We are in our 4 years of marriage. I will not say that it gets easier, I guess it is more routine for us. We do try to find time just for us to spend together. But we also love the fact that the gerls are there to spend with us too.
Hopefully with the holidays coming up. We will get more time for us.

Ex-Lover

I had a weird dream. I dreamt of an ex-lover. Someone I have not seen, talk or heard from for the last 12 years. He was just a lover because, he did not stay long enough to be a boyfriend, and the feeling we had was not deep enough to be turned into a relationship. And I had not given him a thought for a very long time!

In this weird dream I had, we met, we dated, we took a train to somewhere. There was no talking, no holding hands, no kissing........

The dream was peaceful. There was no fear, no shyness, no hatred. I can't seemed to describe the feeling. It was so serene.

In the dream he seemed thinner than how I remembered him to be. He had his hair tie up in as manly fashionable way as it can be. He smiled the same way he used to, the same smiled I had fell in love with then.

Then, a sharp cry woke me from the dream. Its time to get back to my reality. And just like that, it was just a dream.......

Can somebody tell me what the heck it was all about!

Life goes on....

As I sat down, trying to put words down, while watching Beauty & The Geek 3, my little girl is playing with my slippers that she had found under the wardrobe. She has made all the sadness and despair in my life so easy to get over with. She brings a kind of sunshine that can never be dimmed and now with the addition with the little one, nothing in life seems impossible! 

Little Gerl has learnt to talk! Hooray???!

Everyday there is always something new to be amaze about. For 2 years and 12 days, Little Gerl has brought so much amazement (is there such word?) to my life. I am just so amazed with her every little antics! ( The word amaze is going to be used alot now!)

Our Little Gerl has learnt to 'talk'. Not just to communicate but to identify things, to have a conversation only she understands, to relate to things to make us understand and to just copy whatever someone says. Her recent obsessions to the cartoon 'Shrek' was initially, we thought, was something funny. Our fault was that we indulged her by buying all 4 chapters of Shrek. She began to tickle us when she began to repeat some of the words and actions. It started with silly words/exclamation like 'WHAT!' . She could tell or know what tonexpect next in the story line. But what got me worried was when she began to take 2 toys and 'make' them kiss each other. Yet we still found it humourous! However we have changed to other different cartoons.....

Once we found out that she was able to communicate, Hubby and I began to instill mannerism in her. We both always feel that manners should always start from young. So we started with 'PLEASE'. Initially, whenenver we asked her to say please she would say, ' ticketicketik' and it tickles everyone who hears. And since she got a reaction, she would not say please properly. Till now , whenever someone say, ' say please' she would say 'ticketicketik'. However when she takes the initiative to want something, she was able to say ' please!' . Like one morning when she wanted to play on my IPAD, she brought it to me, said 'gd morning' shove the IPAD to my face and said 'please!' . I had a shock of my life! But am really glad that she is picking up words correctly. She has also learnt to say 'Thank you' when she gets/receives something. Although it may sound 'tiang que'!

So here are some of the words that she has learnt and we have understand:
Yes - nak nak nak
No - no
Bubbles - bable
Shoes - shoo
Baby - baby
Adik (baby sis) - adek
Shrek - shwag
Who is that - whose that
What is that - whose that

She has also learnt to name the different parts of her face like eyes, ears nose, mouth and hair. She can also recognize family members very well! Also able to name them and point to them in pictures or real life. Now the next word we are trying to get her to learn is ' I love you!' . But it seems abit hard for her to catch up. I keep singing her the 'Barney song' ! Oh well, hopefully she will be able to say it before my bday.......

A Letter to my Daughter

Dearest Naira,

Two years ago you were this small creature that somehow came out of me. I could not believe you have made me a mum! But you have brought so much joy to so many people!

It is amazing how a picture of you when posted on facebook could have garnered so much likes and comments from so many friends of mummy and daddy.

You were such an easy baby. You smile alot, feed alot and you were a joy to be around with. Although i miss the times when I could just sit at coffee bean and waste the day away, I am still glad that you have kept my days and nights occupied. You are such a learner. You picked up things so fast and you are so full of energy! We are always so amazed with your antics and the things you do to entertain. Of course there are days when you make mummy and daddy mad, but we NEVER love you less!

You are the first and the eldest child in the family (just like me!). I hope you will not find it a burden to be the eldest and the most responsible one. You WILL always have to give in to your little sister, whom we know you love lots. And we WILL always make you give in to your little sister. But I hope you will understand that by doing that, you are building a character full of responsibilities, kindness, sharing, caring and love. And we will always love you for that. We hope you will also know and realise that we both love you both equally just as much, never more than the other and never less.

As you grow up, I hope you will realise that you are love by many and appreciate the love that you get. Life will not get easy but mummy and daddy will always be there for you. For every strength you find, there will also be a weakness. For every time your heart gets broken, you will find a love much stronger and more beautiful later on. Never settle for less but never be greedy for more. Always be considerate of others and don't do what you don't want others to do to you. Love yourself more before you love another and always remember I LOVE YOU no matter what.

Depressing

I don't understand how last time mothers can have so many kids! Here I am with only 2 beautiful girls and I am almost going mad!

It has not been an easy week. Granny has been hospitalised and was in a bad way. Alhamdulilah, she is recovering well. Mum has been travelling to and fro almost everyday to the hospital. I am left alone at home to look after the kids since it is not advisable to bring them to the hospital. Baby gerl then started to fall sick. But also recovering well. Now mum is sick and I am again on my own with my 2 girls.

I love my girls very much but Little gerl is driving me nuts! She is forever climbing onto the dining table, windows, side table.......and although I do encourage free playing, climbing onto the tables and pouring water, or playing with the telephone is just not the things to do! At the same time, baby gerl is now becoming more alert and not does not fall asleep easily. She wants to latch on more or have someone entertain her, which has not been easy cos her sister keeps making me run after her!

I am begining to feel so stressed up staying at home! But at the same time, I don't have the heart to go out and leave them at home! HELP!!!

Sunshines in my life

A month has passed since Baby Girl was born. Life has been full of ups and downs. It has not been easy yet it has not been that difficult compared to some others I know. The only challenge I am facing right now is more about managing my time.

With 2 beautiful girls, I need to learn to give my time fairly to spend with both of them. Our Little Gerl will turn 2 soon. At this age, she has shown so much cleverness and maturity (sometimes). She is now able to tell what she wants, needs and nots. Her love for baby sis is amazing! She is able to call her name 'Arissa', helps with throwing the diapers and even when baby sis cries in the middle of the night, she would wake up and give baby sis a kiss, as if assuring her that everything will be alright, before returning to her sleep. I could not have been more grateful for having her........

I cannot wait to return to work and get my routine back. However, there is that slight hesitation, I can't help wonder how my mum going to handle 2 toddlers with a 4 month old baby once I start working. Even though I know she is capable of doing it, I am just worried that they will exhaust her. And I wonder if baby girl could take bottle milk.

I keep saying this, but I have never imagined myself being a mum, whats more a mother of 2. Although the feeling is amazing, there are times when I honestly wish I had more time to spend with myself or with Soul before having to handle 2 of them. I can't help but envy my friends at times who still are enjoying their lives travelling. Mum keeps telling us to go ahead and travel while the kids still young and we can leave them with her. But the motherly part of me are still anxious when it comes to leaving them behind. Haish.....its hard to be a mum!

So now that we are still only a month, I am learning to enjoy every minute spending with my 2 girls. Whether it is during our night time feeding or toilet training, I am grateful for the 2 sunshines in my life and I could not ask for more.........

2nd week and still counting

2nd week was the most stressing week I ever had with my Baby Gerls. Besides adjusting to having 2 princess and getting over the pain, small baby girl was found to have high jaundice in her in her first week. Due to this, she was warded in the hospital for 2 nights. And for that 2 nights, Soul and I experienced every parents nightmares: To be separated from their child before they are ready to.

Haish it was really depressing! And then even after we brought her back, for the whole week we kept a very close eye on her. She was sunned, bathe with some flowers thingy and fed with formula milk which was a struggle (she kept spitting it back to our face!). However when we brought her back to her Paediatrician, we were assured that its normal for babies who has jaundiced and breastfed to recover later. Thankfully now she is recovering nicely.

On another side, our Big Gerl seems to be adjusting well to little sis. She seems to enjoy having her little sis around and keeps kissing her (thats the cute part!). However it tends to get irritating on my part cos she was having difficulties sleeping at night. She just wants to kiss her little sis and rub her hair on little sis's face. Besides that, her energy level seems to be extremely high! She would be wandering, climbing and messing up the house at every chance she can get! I am sooooo exhausted chasing after her and I don't have to do anything else ok! 

At the same time, I hate my confinement period! Ok I don't mind having to control the food and drinks I have to take. I also don't mind not having to go out, although I can't wait to get back to work! What I hate so much is I am not allowed to shower as many times as I like! OMG! I so cannot stand my smell! According to the 'pantangs' I only allowed to shower once because the cold water is not good for my recovering body. That is why I am not allowed to drink cold water as well. Haish and with this weather some more! I am so counting down to the end of it!

Finally!

Finally.......our 2nd Baby Gerl, Arissa Nailah Bte Anis was born to us on 13 Feb 2013, 3 weeks earlier than predicted. Man, my doc is really good at predicting!

Although this time round it seems the waiting period is shorter, the pain still seems endless! Haish....again not going to talk and recollect my memory on the pain but I can promise you, this is going to be the last time! I really, really, REALLY don't want to go through the pain again! (Soul please be reminded again!)

On another note, I really feel blessed to have these 2 small creatures in my life. Even with the pain, I AM grateful to have gotten through it. People keep asking me to have another one just to try for another boy. And I am telling these people, its ok, I already have a boy - Soul.

Our 1st Baby Gerl, seems so in love with her little sister. She can't seem to stop kissing her whenever she can. She is very helpful when it comes to changing diapers. She does not seemed affected that the attention is not all on her anymore. In fact, she seems more independent, at being all left alone to entertain herself. Although there were still some mischiefs on her part. (She was caught drinking someone's left over coke!)

Difference in both girls - Arissa seems more of a sleeper than the eater. Since the first night, she does not seems to want to be fed. Although she does cries, she seems more settled after being wrapped and hold to sleep. I kind of remembered Naira needed to be fed for almost every hour and she refused to be wrapped! But then again it is still too early to see much difference.

I guess in my part, 2 years ago seems so long that I can't remember much of the details to compare. Back then, I just want to get through the pain! So I still have a few more weeks to get through the confinement. I really can't wait to eat and drink anything I want, to be active again, although I won't say to do whatever I want, I really can't wait for my routine to be stabled once more.

Frustration

Feeling frustrated right now.

Coming to my last trimester. Hate the waiting game. Whats more with Soul not around.

Emotions are running high since I am deprived from so many things. Beginning to feel that life is so unfair. The sacrificies I have to make.....

While Hubby is away.....

Haish......

Soul is away (again!) leaving me and baby girl all on our own! Ok lah, not really on our own cos I still have my mum with us.

But today we are really on our own cos my Mum has got her religious teachings on every sunday. Luckily Baby Gerl is easy especially with her cartoons on. She will just watch the cartoon and entertain herself, which gives me the time to complete my work.

And now she is taking her nap and I have completed my work so maybe I should take a nap!

On another note, thinking about Soul not going to be around for the next whole weeks is giving me nightmares! Cos the last time Soul was away, I had a hard time with Baby Gerl especially the nights. I know she misses him lots and she has no idea how to express it. She keeps getting up in the middle of the night crying! It so breaks my heart! Even during the day she was so clingy! Luckily during that period it was the school holiday so it was still tolerant.

This time around however, I am still left with 2 more weeks of working before I go for my maternity leave. So I am not sure how I am going to handle the lack of sleep for this whole week!

Haisshhh this time I am really wishing that time will fly faster!

Fifty Shades

Ok I finally finished reading the trilogy e-books of Fifty Shades. I know i know it is so last year, but better late than never!

The only reason I started reading the book was because it seems like alot of peeps I know has read it and there was quite a few shades of comments or reviews about the book that finally intrigue me enough to know what is it all about. (Anyway very free also lah!)

So, when I first started reading the e-book, I know nothing about the characters or how and what the story is about. Ok thats a lie! I know it has some sexual contents BUT not on what kind of sexual contents.

Anyway, when I started reading, I thought the 2 main characters were almost similar to Bella and Edward from Twilight. Both Bella and Ana were shy, no confidence, no sense of fashion and virgins when it comes to relationship. Both Edward (swoons!!!) and Christian were damn too rich too be true, good looking with girls falling on their feet, overprotective kind of guys. Heck, initially I thought it was another vampire falling in love with a mortal kind of story.

However, I was interested really on how the characters evolve in their relationship together. Of course the sexual contents were interesting. I learn a lot about sexual things that I have never known before. It is very interesting how this domineering and submissive sex can be. I would rather however take a vanilla sex anytime than to try out all the pain to get pleasure. But I don't mind my vanilla sex with some chocolate sauce or whip cream ;)

But it was how the relationship between Ana and Christian that kept me reading. In fact I was so into sharing the story with hubby (not the sexual content part lah).  But being a guy of course he not interested.

There are certain parts of the book when I feel frustrated reading about the characters. I mean, I can't understand how Ana can be so weak and just refuse to tell Christian off from controlling her especially when it comes to her career wise. When I commented to hubby, all he can say is "She is not like you lah."

Seriously? You mean there are women who likes to be dominated? Of course, I am aware that there are some husbands who does dominate their wives (whether sexually or not, I don't want to know!) And I am aware that there are still wives who are very submissive to their husbands even despite gotten hurt, they are still loyal and submissive. How they can be like that is still a big question to me! Luckily, I live in a world and a generation where women, most of the time have their own rights or almost equal to men. If not, I could not imagine what/how my life would turn out to be!

My Prayers For 2013

Ya Allah,

My prayers for 2013 will be:

1. Let me give birth to my second princess safely with less pain.

2. Let me always be close to you and never waiver from my faith in you. Give me the strength I need to be a good mother, a good wife and a good daughter/daughter-in-law.

3. Let my darling daughters be healthy and fit. Let them know only joys and laughters, and take away their pains and hurts.

4. Give my hubby the strength he needs to be a good father, a good husband and a good son/son-in-law. Give him the strength and health always, as he is, and will be providing for the family.

5. Please let the journey of our marriage be smooth, but if we were have to go through obstacles, give us the strength and show us the right way to solve it.

6. Keep my families (including uncles, aunties, cuzzies, gramps, in-laws)) and love ones (including friends / colleagues) safe as always. Provide them with all the things that they need and show them the way to work hard for the things that they want. Give them the strength to go through the life that you have planned for them and let them not waiver form their faith in you.

7. For the people that has had a miserable 2012, give them the strength and courage to face 2013 with optimism. Let them find the peace and salvation they need to get on with life. Give them more joy and laughters to take away their pains.

8. In the end, let there be more peace to the world, so the future generations have something to be grateful for!

Are our children spoil because........

Are our children spoilt because of the many choices they are given to decide or because of parents who gave them the many choices?

Once upon a time, I used to tell myself, "I will not spoil my children!" But now as a parent, I have trouble trying to decide whether the decisions I make, to give in or not, to baby girl, will make her a spoilt child. Hubby and I debate about this at times. To me, decisions should be made by us parents as we are the adults. Hubby however feels that children have the right to make their own decisions and choices. I agree but only decisions and choices to minor things and not to major things in life!

In my years as an educator, as an adult, I have seen my shares of spoilt and pampered children. They also varied at ages. I used to think that a crying child is a spoilt child. A child given everything he/she wants is a spoilt child. Let me explain why I thought that way.

Growing up as the eldest in a not so rich family (Dad was the sole breadwinner and not really highly educated), I was brought up with the rule, "If you want something, you have to earn or save for it." It is a rule that I believed in and I teach my students in school. Since I am also not the smartest in the family, getting what I want takes some times. In some cases, I have learnt not to want it. Maybe that is why I tend to buy what ever I want now that I am earning myself.

But I guess time has changed. Since most parents nowadays are educated, and mostly both parents are working, children these days are given a lot more compared to children my times. Also technologies have to be blamed one way or another. So again, back to my question, are our children spoil because of the many choices they are given to decide or because of parents who gave them the many choices?

Why am I questioning this is because I have seen children making decisions for their parents. It tends to boggle me because I thought as parents, we decide what is good and bad for our children. I mean we are the adults right?

In one scenario, at a simple eatery restaurant, a waiter asked a chinese family where they would like to seat. The father turned to his young son (about 10 years old) "Where do you want to seat Boi?" In my head, why do you ask a child to decide where to seat? Its not as if the chairs and tables are different. And you know what, for a family of 4, the Boi, picked a seating area for 6. The extra seats are meant for him to put up his leg while eating.

In another scenario, at a KFC eatery, a Malay mother asked her young daughter (about 9 years old), what she wants to eat. The young daughter told the mum she wants to eat the chicken with rice with the tomato sauce. However, that meal is Spicy tomato sauce (but come on! how spice can tomato sauce be?) and Mum is concerned that daughter could not handle spicy. Now in my heart, this sparks my first questions to many, at that age daughter still don't know how to eat spicy? So daughter said she wants the original mushroom sauce but without the mushroom and with tomato sauce. At this point, all I could think of, better just ask the mum to cook at home! The best thing was, the mum actually asked the KFC server if they can have the meal with the original tomato sauce! I was really dumbfounded at how the mum handled that situation. I mean, come on! This is KFC! They are fast food! Everything is pre-cooked and just ready to serve! I mentally slapped my forehead and prayed that I would not end up being that silly!

I can share many more scenarios but then it will take the whole night and day to do so! I know as parents, we are encouraged to teach our children to make choices to prepare them for life. Me and hubby are guilty at starting letting Baby Gerl make choices at such an early age. However her choices are limited to watching either Toy Story or Shrek dvd. Watch either Magadascar 3 or Ice Age 4. Either you eat this or you don't eat at all. Either you picked up your toys or you don't get to watch tv. Choose to sleep with mummy and daddy or sleep with grandma and grandpa. There are times however, when she is not given a choice at all. Like no you have no choice but to sleep in your own bed. You have no choice but to go to sleep now cos Mummy is tired.

So will my daughter grow up to be spoilt? How will I be able to tell if I am making the right decisions for her and should I let her start making life's decisions at such a young age? And so the debate continues.......