A Wish for the New Year

Its been a hell of a year. I remembered just last year writing a post recalling the things that happened in 2005 and here I am doing it again for 2006.

2006 has been more personal for me. So many things that had happened throughout the year had affected me one way or the other. So bear with me if it seems this post s getting too long

The year had started with a new class, a new change, a new challenge. It was scary yet comforting cos I know I got a great co-teacher to work with. Was so looking forward to the challenge in moulding the pupils I get. I love my S2A kids. They bring joy and laughter to my everyday work. It was worth every headache, paperworks and backstabing I get at work.

Starting DISE was a drag initially but look how far we've come. The last semester was full of emotion especially in our 'Counselling' class. Somehow, fate must have planned something cos we made lots of great friends. I realise then, how I love school actually and love homework, assignment and all. (I must be mad!) Hai.....working for the DISE finally came to an end in July when 40+ of us graduated at the big hall in NIE with the other teachers. It was such a bittersweet moment.

Celebrating my bday with Amoi, Naz & Kaiyah felt strange somehow. Cos I knew then I guess, that we had drifted apart. Or at least, I had drifted apart from them. How, and when? I couldn't tell. Yet when Amoi left us to go to China with her husband, I began to feel something missing. NOW that is strange, considering my love-hate relationship with her.

In September, I lost someone dear to me. Someone I practically grew up with. My late uncle Rosli, was my playmate when I was younger. I always looked at him more like a big brother instead of an uncle. We shared so many similar habits, character and even in looks (its the sepet eyes). This is the first time in my life, ever to lose someone who means the world to me. Cos he is not just a freind, he is family. When the first time I lost a friend to death in 1998, I felt sad and hated death for it. Then I lost another friend, in 1999 and I felt resigned to fate. But when I lost my god-bro in 2005, I thought there could never be another hurt as how I felt. But this year, the hurt was too overwhelmed. I don't think I'll get over it.

This year is also the year where my little bro finally grew up, steping into teenage life. Its a big step for him cos he got so much to live up to. I mean the rest of his sibs had done well in life (of cos there had been screw-ups along the way). For him, life has just begun.

Truthfully and honestly, I'm not looking forward to the new year. Turning 25 soon made me realise that I am a quarter to a century and yes I'm getting older (Yikes!). It's scary cos there is so much more to come and I'm not sure I have any more strength for any other emotions in store in 2007.

Where did my hols go???

Hei....Merry Xmas!!!! Its a day after Christmas and one more week to the new year. Oh my god, where did the hols go??!!!!! I can't believe a month had gone by.

It's been a hell of a holiday. Feeling really relaxed and can't wait to go back to work. Been watching too many movies and eating a lot. Me and Soul has been trying out this new eating habit this whole month. We are trying out this "cheat day diet" (I think that was what it was called). Soul saw this celebrity on Tyra Bamks show who shared her secret on keeping a healthy body. She said she didn't do diet instead she eats normally, exercise and keep one "cheat day where she eats any sweets or unhealthy food for that day only for a week. For the rest of the 6 days she eats healthily. So me and Soul crazily tries it out. For the first week it was HELL!!! We tried not to eat fast food cos of the oilyness and fattenin thingy. Do you have anyidea how hard it is to find healthy food in this country??!! Especially halal ones. For the first week, I keep eating sandwiches and soups; mee wanton soup, yong tau foo soup, soup noodles, fish noodle soup. It was mad!!! By the 3rd day I was ready to quit. Can you imagine how bad it is for me who loves fried chicken, who need to indulge in french fries every day to keep myself sane had to give that all up??? So Soul being the sweetheart he is, decided that maybe it is ok to have McDonalds as long as I'm not eating the oily McWings. I was finally in heaven!!! I managed to stuck through the week and when sunday finally came (we decided that Sunday will be our cheat day cos its the day we usually have weddings to go and have to eat nasi minyak.) I had the KFC Prfect Meal for Variety Lover. It has chicken, burger, popcorn chicken, fries and pepsi. Haiiiiii..........it was good. But by the next week, we got used to it that we had to have something soupy for most of the days. Of cos we not only eat healthily but we try (very hard!) to exercise.

I would recommend this to those who likes to diet. It keeps you healthy (I hope!)

Accidents bound to happen

Read the news today. 2 girls died in an accident at chua chu kang ave 2. Actually knew about the news cos it happened 2 days ago right infront of my sis eyes. The 2 girls were very young, aged 21 and 23 respectively. They were riding on a bike that was only bought a few months ago when it crashed with a lorry. The rider had just passed her bike lessons 6 months ago. The rider, a divorcee left a 5 yr old daughter.

I keep wondering how the family is gonna move on. I keep wondering what would happen to the daughter. Its a sad sad world.

At times I'm faced with a dilemma. There are two sides of people. One side are people who likes to take risks in their lives, living it to the fullest. The other side take things slow, being extra careful on how they lead their lives. They might not live it to the fullest but they get to live longer? At least most of them do. So where do I stand in?

Boots!!!

Walked around town today. Got a new 'FOX' skirt that I've been aiming to buy for quite awhile. So happy when I finally bought it. Can't wait for bonus next week. My sis got 4K! I hope I get as much cos our pay ain't that much of a different. ;)

Ok back to the subject.....was walking around town today and saw so many people wearing cool boots!!! What's up with that??!! And then I saw this pink butterfly Dr Mart boots!!!! At first I tried on this high knee length Dr Mart boots but realise that I would have problem with the side zip as I have big calfs. Then the sales lady told me to try the pink high cuts and I went CRAZY cos it was so cool!!!! Can already imagine it with my new skirt!!!! (Rach I think you would love it too!!!) But I was contemplating to buy. The practical side of me tells me that I won't wear it often and I can't wear it to school. But the wild side of me reminds me that I'm not young anymore. If I don't wear it now then when?? Hai!!!!!! How???!!!!!!

My Sweet Bought me Flowers!!!!!

Soul bought me a bouqet of flowers for our 15 month anniversary. So sweet of him. Didn't really expect anything cos we were suppose to go shopping for HIS things. (Acually I kind of forget its the 7th. Sorry sexy bun!)

Anyway felt damn guilty bout it cos I've been throwing my tantrums at him for the last few days. (can blame on my pms!) Hai......first time siak he bought me a bouqet. So far all this while only buy me in stalks. But ok lah some people will say "at least you get flowers." I know I know and I'm very thankful for it ok!

Can't Sleep

Its late but my eyes won't shut. The feeling of sleepiness that used to guide me to dreamland had abandoned me. Could it be because I'm not tired yet or is it because of too many things on my mind.

Too many things happening, too many shits just happen. One minute you're up and the next you're down. Happiness just doesn't stay.

I'm not the type to talk but I'm willing to listen. Why won't you just listen to me and let it go! I said I don't and I say I won't. Stop hurting me with all those words.

This Christmas

"Its a season to be jolly Fa la la la la la la la la"

That song keeps playing in my head. What's up with that man!

Its my favourite season of the year!!!! Christmas!!!! (And this is the part where Soulsicle will say "Dear, Christmas is not a season." And my reply would be "It is so cos every year it happens on the same date, never change one!") Yes I love christmas. Not that I celebrate it and all. But I love it. The feeling is just different from any other celebrations. Maybe its due to the fact that it is always a long holiday for me. Anyway, I love that there is so many sales going on, many presents to be wrapped. I mean its this time where you can buy things and get wrapped without looking so silly.

Besides that I love christmas trees. Its so nice to see the different decorated christmas tree. Soul and me are going to look for all the different christmas tree around Singapore and take the pictures. I've already taken 4 ;).

I remembered my dad took me to a Christmas party once when I was 5 yrs old. It was so fun cos I got a present. (Although I can't remember what was the present.) It was wrapped in shiny wrapping paper.

Anyway..........me and Soul went to Raffles City yesterday and we found a Barbie doll Christmas tree!!! So cute!!! The tree was decorated with different Babrbie dolls wearing different styles of costume.
And then we went to the Adidas shop and I found the boot I like at a discount price!!!!!!! SHIT! SHIT! Ok take note to those who wants to get me a Christmas present ;). The boot is black colour and my feet size 61/2, ok?

The Holiday Is Here!!!!

Yeah!!!!!! The December Holiday is here. It feels so good to get to wake up late everyday of the week and not have to worry bout work for at least a few more weeks. Actually it is kind of boring since there is no work to worry about. ;P Been going out everyday in the week that me and soulsicle kind of running out of idea what to do and where to go. Somehow due to my very boredom, I finaaly agreed enthusiastically (I have no idea what got into me!!) that we "take a walk at MacRitchie Reservoir". (We went to Bukit Timah last June Holiday.)

I was kind of excited actually to go up on the canopy walk and get over my fear of height. Anyway Soulsicle LOVES all this nature thingy (me I'm a city girl all the way!) so.......(the things you do for love ;P)

We made our way around 2 from home (since he got Friday afternoon prayer). Happy happy had our lunch at McDonalds and took the train to toa payoh before taking a bus there. AT this time it was already raining heavily along cck to woodlands. Kind of dampen the mood cos we thught we had to postpone the plan. But when we reach toa payoh it was sunny!

When we reach there the scenery was awsome! I forgot how much I enjoy peace and quiet and thats what I got. So much peace and quiet! Its as if life doens't exist! Excitedly we made our way up following the "forest trail". Along the way we get to see monkeys and squirrels!!!! (Me and my childish excitment seing the animals). But halfway up I begin to feel my leg muscles complaining. And I just realise that we have to come down again later. Man, I have no idea what I'm actually putting myself in....... anyway, we didn't get to go for the canopy walk cos by the time we reached the top it was already 4.56 and we are not suppose to enter after 4.45. Silly me never check out the time earlier! So with aching muscles we made our way down back to the hman world.

I had trouble sleeping the night because of all the aching muscles but already made up my mind to do these more often. So another day planned for next week to head up to MacRitchie Reservoir early in the morning ;)

The result is just a piece of paper

The past few days has been quite hectic. Too many things happening at one time. Like they say; Life ain't a bed of roses.

PSLE results were finally out and over. Many knew my baby bro sat for the exam this year and was one of those kids waiting for the results. It seems that many acquaintances I knew have children who were also waiting for the results eagerly. Big Congratulations to parents whoese child had done well!!

It was so long time ago when I was in the same position. But I was lucky. Being the eldest child in the family, I wasn't really pressurized to score. I was only pressurized to pass the exam and not to repeat PSLE. ;) I was actually quite worried also cos I am never the clever kid who can get A just like that. I belong to the other group of kids where I need to put in 200% of efforts just to do well. But I never regret in being that group, cos I believed that it made me a better person and not take things for granted and work hard for what I want.

And it seems my baby bro and my little babe (u know who u are) belongs to the same group as me (yeah....) Its hard for them. These kiddos are so pressurized to do well as they have older siblings who had done well. They are expected to do just as well or worse better. In the end these parents forget that no thumbs have the same set of prints. I shall not indulge in their results as it does not matter. As the result, is just a piece of paper.

I do take the blame too. Maybe I was not strict enough with them. Maybe I did not taught them right. Maybe I did not motivate them enough. There's too many maybes in our life and yet it still get us going. I do feel bad that they did not manage to get the results that ther people wants them to get. I do feel that I am somehow responsible for their results. As a tutor and a big sister, I am responsible for them. So let this be a lesson for them and me.

As they are going to step into a new chapter of their life, into teengers, there is more challenge to come. More mistakes they are going to make and I hope more lessons to be learnt. Its not always easy to step out of your comfort zone and go into a new environment. So my advise to my 2 kiddies, take the step with courage and and an open heart. Pick a school you want to go and put in efforts to work hard. It's ok to fail (as I too had failed a couple of times) but make sure you push yourself to pass and score. Life will never get easier but it gets better if you want it too. The decision of how you want your life to be is up to you. Make friends but don't be disheartened if you lose some along the way. Find your strengths and curb your weaknesses. All in all, remember the people who loves you and always have faith in Allah. Know that he will look out for you if you want him too. In the end the person you become is the result, and that is NOT a piece of paper.

Life still goes on

Finally!!! The big day had come and gone. Today was the MINDS combine graduation day. Lee Kong Chian Gardens School staff was the committee in charge in putting up the big day together. It took us months of preparation with long hours of after work to put together a 6hr party for pupils graduating this year. But I guess it pays off, especially seing their happy faces.

A total of 99 pupils from all 5 schools turned 18 this year and graduate today. For some it might not be something that they are aware of but to most of them, they somehow knew that things are going to be different for them from now onwards. Being pushed into a working adult for this pupils with intellectual disability might not be something most of them looks forward to. I have past pupils who came up to me after working for a year, still telling me they wished they could go back to the times when they were still in school. How different are they really from us? I still have friends who stills wish they could turn back time to those glorious days of schools ;)

Still life has to go on. No point wishing for something that can not be undone. Today as we watched each of our graduates wentup on stage taking their cert, can't help but feel that somehow we had played a part in their life. Like what one colleague told me, " When you see them graduate, its a very good feeling. Cos you knew that somehow no matter how small it is, you had played a part in their life. Even if it is just giving them a push to go up the stage to receive the cert."

Next week is the last week of school. Next year there will be a new batch of students to groomed. A new batch of graduates we are going to help, to prepare for them to step into a young working adult life. That will be next. But for now, its just time for us to take a breather......

Hari Raya

This year raya just doesn't seem right. Not feeling up for the celebration. Actually i just realize that I have never really enjoyed celebrating Hari Raya. I mean first day is exciting, getting ready in new clothes, meeting your family blah blah blah.......

But do these people actually knew the meaning of celebrating Hari Raya? Do they actually know the purpose of this celebration? Why do these people cry and ask for forgiveness but the next day, all the shits just starts again? I never did understand.

I don't understand why these people visit other people's house (no offense people) just for "collection" when these people might be people related to their friends but strangers to them? Why do people bother to visit friends with whom they have not been keeing contact for years?

No intention to be offensive but I just need to ask and I hope people understand. Maybe its just me. I have never really been the type to keep in contact with people. Maybe because I have been stabbed on the back too many times. I have learnt too many times that friends just come and go. And they are always easy to make new ones. Although there are times I wish I had made the effort to keep in contact with some people.

But my family I have always believed, will be there for me through out, and it has been proven too many times..........

A new Day

Woke up feeling abit wiser today. Soulsicle msged me early in the morning realising that he will be out of work in a few months due to the change in the management. It starts me thinking that maybe I've been putting the pressure on him too much.

While getting dressed up for work, standing infront of the mirror, I can't help but think how different Raya would be this year. Can't help but start imaginig how it would be like to dressed up infront of the mirror with soulsicle in our own house. Unbelievable it seems so real. Yes I can already see us as a married couple.

I love him very very much and he loves me more. He made me realise how wonderful it is to be in love and never felt the hurt anymore. He was there for me at every step of the way, not once complained or gave up with my tantrums throwing. Maybe he was sent to me to help me get through this life. Cos I know it will not get anymore easier..........

The tears just won't dry

Lost in a memory of love in the past. Haunted by mistakes we never thought we made. Could never let go even though its the right thing to do. Being stubborn as always. Refusing to listen just wants my own way. Hate the fact that life still has to go on. This path I've choosen was forced in my hand.

I can't breathe can't stand the pain. But still refuse to accept that whats done cannot be undone. I hate the thought that I'll never get to see him again. Can't get over the fact that he is gone forever. It hurts more than a broken heart. But if my heart has been broken how could it hurts more?

The Way My Life Goes

The feelings inside I feel seems to go all over the place. Not sure to be happy, sad or angry. Am thankful for the everyday I get to live my life but at times I feel; is this it?

Each day every on of my friends is making a journey towards a new life with their partner. And each day I lose theses friends of mine. They are busy with married life having to cook for their husband or spending time with their in-laws and new families.

And ME? Still struggling to make sense of what life really is offering me. The journey each day just gets tougher and tougher. Not sure how long I can hold on any longer.

Breakaway

Breakaway

Grew up in a small town
And when the rain would fall down
I'd just stare out my window
Dreaming of what could be
And if I'd end up happy
I would pray
Trying hard to reach out
But when I tried to speak out
Felt like no one could hear me
Wanted to belong here
But something felt so wrong here
So I'd pray, I could break away

CHORUS
I'll spread my wings and I'll learn how to fly.
I'll do what it takes till I touch the sky.
Make a wish, take a chance,
Make a change, and break away.
Out of the darkness and into the sun.
But I won't forget all the ones that I love
I'll take a risk, take a chance,
Make a change, and break away

Wanna feel the warm breeze
Sleep under a palm tree
Feel the rush of the ocean
Get onboard a fast train
Travel on a jet plane
Far away And break away


Buildings with a hundred floors,
Swinging 'round revolving doors
Maybe I don't know where they'll take me
ButI gotta keep movin on, movin on,
Fly away, Break away
I'll spread my wings and I'll learn how to fly.
Though it's not easy to tell you goodbye
Take a risk, take a chance,
Make a change, and break away.
Out of the darkness & into the sun
But I won't forget the place I come from
I gotta take a risk, take a chance,
Make a change, and break away