Sunshines in my life

A month has passed since Baby Girl was born. Life has been full of ups and downs. It has not been easy yet it has not been that difficult compared to some others I know. The only challenge I am facing right now is more about managing my time.

With 2 beautiful girls, I need to learn to give my time fairly to spend with both of them. Our Little Gerl will turn 2 soon. At this age, she has shown so much cleverness and maturity (sometimes). She is now able to tell what she wants, needs and nots. Her love for baby sis is amazing! She is able to call her name 'Arissa', helps with throwing the diapers and even when baby sis cries in the middle of the night, she would wake up and give baby sis a kiss, as if assuring her that everything will be alright, before returning to her sleep. I could not have been more grateful for having her........

I cannot wait to return to work and get my routine back. However, there is that slight hesitation, I can't help wonder how my mum going to handle 2 toddlers with a 4 month old baby once I start working. Even though I know she is capable of doing it, I am just worried that they will exhaust her. And I wonder if baby girl could take bottle milk.

I keep saying this, but I have never imagined myself being a mum, whats more a mother of 2. Although the feeling is amazing, there are times when I honestly wish I had more time to spend with myself or with Soul before having to handle 2 of them. I can't help but envy my friends at times who still are enjoying their lives travelling. Mum keeps telling us to go ahead and travel while the kids still young and we can leave them with her. But the motherly part of me are still anxious when it comes to leaving them behind. Haish.....its hard to be a mum!

So now that we are still only a month, I am learning to enjoy every minute spending with my 2 girls. Whether it is during our night time feeding or toilet training, I am grateful for the 2 sunshines in my life and I could not ask for more.........

2nd week and still counting

2nd week was the most stressing week I ever had with my Baby Gerls. Besides adjusting to having 2 princess and getting over the pain, small baby girl was found to have high jaundice in her in her first week. Due to this, she was warded in the hospital for 2 nights. And for that 2 nights, Soul and I experienced every parents nightmares: To be separated from their child before they are ready to.

Haish it was really depressing! And then even after we brought her back, for the whole week we kept a very close eye on her. She was sunned, bathe with some flowers thingy and fed with formula milk which was a struggle (she kept spitting it back to our face!). However when we brought her back to her Paediatrician, we were assured that its normal for babies who has jaundiced and breastfed to recover later. Thankfully now she is recovering nicely.

On another side, our Big Gerl seems to be adjusting well to little sis. She seems to enjoy having her little sis around and keeps kissing her (thats the cute part!). However it tends to get irritating on my part cos she was having difficulties sleeping at night. She just wants to kiss her little sis and rub her hair on little sis's face. Besides that, her energy level seems to be extremely high! She would be wandering, climbing and messing up the house at every chance she can get! I am sooooo exhausted chasing after her and I don't have to do anything else ok! 

At the same time, I hate my confinement period! Ok I don't mind having to control the food and drinks I have to take. I also don't mind not having to go out, although I can't wait to get back to work! What I hate so much is I am not allowed to shower as many times as I like! OMG! I so cannot stand my smell! According to the 'pantangs' I only allowed to shower once because the cold water is not good for my recovering body. That is why I am not allowed to drink cold water as well. Haish and with this weather some more! I am so counting down to the end of it!

Motherhood

I am finally adjusting to Motherhood. 3 weeks have gone just like that.

1st week was so difficult! Besides trying to recover from my pain, I have to endure new pain. Breastfeeding! Baby just wants to be fed every hour it seems. I could not think about the future but just take things day by day. But at the same time, I enjoy my time bonding with her. Everytime I hold her in my arms, I love her more everyday. No denying I was hit with post natal depression. However, it was never hating or blaming her for my pain. All I could think of was how could anyone want to go through the pain again and again. How could Mum had done it all be herself. I am lucky I have Soul who is very hands on with baby gerl. I can never imagine how those women who does not have the supportive husbands.

2nd week got better. I was slowly recovering and getting back my strengh. I was able to move around more. My body was already adjusting to the sleepless nights and taking naps in the afternoon. This time round, I keep thinking on how to leave baby gerl and get back to work. I love her more and more every minute and can't imagine leaving her for a minute. She is just so adorable! Soul has taken the time to learn to bath her and he so enjoy getting the time to bond with her every morning during their bath time.

Now in our 3rd week, we love every minute we get with her. I know its tough for Soul at times to leave for work cos he just loves her so much and I know he feels like he is missing alot when not spending times with her. Maybe thats why he does not mind waking up in the middle of the night and changing her. I love him lots too. I could never imagine life without him. Heck, I don't think I would be doing this if not for him.

We can't wait for her to grow up but at the same time, we are scared, and wish at times that she will not grow up. We keep taking photos of her just so we can keep every memory of her alive.